You Fulfill Me

Two more interesting news tidbits hot off the Iraqi press.

1.  I quote:  "Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki decided to name the last day the U.S. troops will withdraw from Iraq (December 31st) as "Fulfillment day"."

Apparently since we have stuck to our agreement of 2008 and pulled our troops, there is cause for celebration and a naming of days.  Heretofore and forever, this day shall be know as...one of fulfillment.  Thus it shall be called, wait for it, Fulfillment Day!  Hooray!  Brilliant!

I wonder how it will be celebrated?  All drug prescriptions fulfilled for free?  Everyone has to use the word fulfill in all their sentences that day?  Sign new agreements with friends and then... fulfill them?  The possibilities are endless.  One thing I think we can be sure of, it will include celebratory gunfire.

2.  "Asa'eb Ahl al-Haq is launching attacks on U.S. Forces in order to give the false impression it is forcing withdrawal."

Talk about devilishly clever!  Hey guys, I hear the U.S. army is taking off, I bet...and I may be wrong, but I doubt it....I bet, if we shoot at their backs on the way out everyone will think WE did this good thing!  What do you say?  We'll be heroes!  All in favor?

Hm.  Well, I guess the only real problem with this stroke of brilliance is that small FULFILLMENT DAY detail that's on the lips of everyone these days.  You know, that whole agreement we signed and that has been in the news every day.  All that ceaseless news chatter about the U.S. withdrawing to stick to the agreement and the fact that all the plans have been made and troops have been leaving unassisted for months now.  Yeah, there's that little glitch.

But still, I get how a good idea can go awry.  One time I thought it would be really cool and impressive to my friends if I showed a sweet kung fu kick move to close the latched window on my dad's toyota tercel.  Then it shattered and it didn't seems like such a good idea anymore.  Theory, practice - sometimes you have to test it out to know it's wrong.  I get it.

(But seriously.  Come on.)

Soul Mates - Get Real.

I am a huge fan of Wired magazine.  HUGE.  If you think it is just for tech geeks, you're wrong.  It's for people who love creativity.

In their November issue there was an article featuring the Muppets called, "The scientific way to..."   It has all these interesting facts backed by science.  Like how to get ink out of clothes. 

One struck me as extremely interesting and relevant.  Especially to those of us who married, let's say..later in life.  It's called The scientific way to find a soul mate.  Catch your interest?  Thought so.

Here's the basic facts:

-  There is a probabilistic approach to finding the love of your life called: satisfacing.  Satisfy, suffice, get it?  Basically it means getting a good enough outcome when you're lacking complete information about your options.

-  People who aren't in a committed relationship always come to this fork in the road, "Do I keep looking for something better or stick with what seems pretty good?"

-  The solution they suggest is to date ENOUGH people to set some baseline standards of what works, and then settle down with the next person who exceeds the bar. 

- A baseline should be acheived after dating 12 people.  It was named (and I like this) the "Twelve-Bonk Theory".  Scientific, no? (also applied to home buying and hiring)

- Bottom line: If you've dated less than 12 people feel free to keep looking.  If you have dated more you are probably too picky.  Their words?  "Stop obsessing over your new paramour's dorky laugh."

I think this is fascinating.  When I look back at my looooooonnnnng history of dating, I recognize hitting that fork in the road in every relationship.  Should I stay or should I go?

I even remember at moments of commitment to James (should we be exclusive? engaged?) thinking---is this really it?  Is there something more I should wait for? 
Why was I thinking that?  He was amazing.  And I was in love with him.  And it should be noted, I am thrilled I committed and my hesitation had nothing to do with how great he is.  And it should also be noted that I am not some crown jewel who has any right to be so particular.  Yes, I had a problem with commitment. 

It's classic Seinfeld.  "Oh, she has man-hands."  You know you did it or you're doing it still.  Finding the flaws, waiting for perfection, thinking you will probably end up with Steve Young if you wait.  No, I didn't, maybe, think that when I was in my 20's. 

All I'm saying is, this is some good advice.  Easy for me to say NOW because I took the plunge.  So, I'm curious what those of you who did settle down, and those of you who are still dating and wondering if you're too picky think....should you satisface?   Should you marry the next person who meets your expectations even if you have doubts?
whatcha think?

Let's celebrate Martha...go grab yer gun!

I find it very odd that in a country (OK I find it odd anywhere, but hear me out) where guns and bombs and rockets and IEDs are killing folks on a daily basis, that the chosen practice for celebration would be....gun fire.

Every once in a while we get an alarm that tells us to stay under cover because the Iraq soccer team won another match and they will show their joy through celebratory gun fire.  There is a logical concern that during this celebration of firing guns, you might accidentally get hit with a bullet.  It's so odd to me...I mean has human life lost all value?  (Perhaps so based on my last post.)   How quickly that celebration would turn into mourning.

Back to our warnings at the compound.  I kind of ignored those warnings.  I thought---how would bullets being shot straight up in to the air, miles away from me be any kind of risk?  Yup, that's what I thought.  And so I continued to walk freely around my, er, street feeling utterly free and safe.

Last week we had some C.G.F. (in the spirit of DOS acronyms) and the next day some friends were talking about the danger.  I laughed and shared my complete disregard for this "danger."  They told James and I about one bullet that went through a soldier's roof on the compound and through his BED.  That caught my attention.  They shared a couple other stories, and explained how the bullets could get pretty good distance and still have momentum as they rained down. 

Suddenly I gained greater respect for this "warning."

Apparently there must have been others who like me laughed in the face of this danger, because today we got an all-embassy security email that explained to us simpletons the very real dangers of celebratory gunfire.  this paragraph caught my attention:

Bullets fired into the air will arc and fall back downward at a significantly reduced rate of velocity.  However, the danger posed by the possibility of falling-bullet injuries is still substantial.  The mortality rate of persons struck by bullets in a typical gunshot scenario is 2% to 6%.  Comparatively, the mortality rate of those struck by falling bullets, as in those fired in celebration, is over 32%.  This higher mortality rate is due to the higher likelihood of severe head wounds from falling bullets.

32 percent???  Yes.  Now I get it.  They also shared pictures of a bullet that went through a car roof in the IZ.  As I learned at Root, a picture can paint a thousand words.  This picture pretty much painted three for me...repeated hundreds of times:  Duck. And. Cover.  (Oh, and three more:  celebratory. gunfire. sucks.)
Over.

Another bomb?... yawn...

Let's talk about the news a bit. 

I realized today that I have become immune to my circumstances.  I was scrolling through my email press clippings about Iraq, looking for a headline that might catch my eye and be of interest.  I suddenly realized I had quickly scrolled through:

"Blast in Baghdad kills 15"
"Three IEDs explode killing 8"
"Detonation leaves several wounded, few killed."

Big news?  Nah.  That stuff happens EVERY DAY.  How jaded is it to scroll past those headlines, happening in the city where I live, as I look for something INTERESTING?

If I was in Ann Arbor scanning the news and I saw "Three IEDs kill 8 in Ann Arbor" I'd be shocked.  I would pause, read, reflect, shed a tear, wonder what the heck was going on and if this was a one-time event or a trend.  Point being, it would be "of interest."

I am saddened to think I (and many, many others) live in a place where murder has become yesterday's news.

Alone at last

The word is out...and so is Pizza Hut.  Just found out they are following Subway out the door and on the plane to safety.  I wish I could say good riddance, but even though I've only had it once since I've been here it's somehow comforting to know Pizza is available.

And so, all semblance of American goodness will shortly be gone.  We are waiting with baited breath to find out if the PX (our little mini-mart) will pull out as well.  It's a military thing, and apparently our State budget isn't quite exorbitant enough to cover the costs.  If I've learned one thing about government over here, it's that the defense budget ROCKS.


The PX has been terribly depleted for about 3 weeks now.  No products on the shelves, just signs that say, "We're sorry - the convoy can't get through."  James went to a meeting with the State Undersecretary on Saturday to calm nerves about what will happen here in January and the primary question people asked was, "When will we get toilet paper again??"  The PX is out and apparently some people are running out.  Can you imagine the panic and chaos that will ensue if they don't re-stock soon??

On the positive side, they do tell us that they will try to lease the empty Subway and Pizza Hut spaces to local restauranteurs.  Which means we may be getting a shwarma place, and well, probably another shwarma place.  I think this is good news and many people are happy, but where will we get pizza?

They are also talking about leasing the PX space out to a local market owner....but I'll tell you what that means: zero reliability on quality of product.

I went to one of the local markets with James a couple weeks ago when the PX ran out of flour and brought home 3 weevil-filled bags of goodness.  Sick.  I know the embassy leadership wants us to believe we are going to be "cared for" but it will definitely not be in the manner to which we are accustomed.  We're going native folks.  Netgrocer is my best friend.

And in netgrocer news, I ordered buko-bucks of groceries 3 weeks ago to make James and I and some friends a delicious Thanksgiving dinner and so far....nothing.  4 days for them to make an appearance and then our Thanksgiving will be made up of mashed potatoes and the smoked turkey we found at the PX.  Please Iraqi convoy--bring my netgrocer to me.

Morality Reflections. Pardon the indulgence.

I must pause in my reports from Baghdad to comment on an American current event:  Penn State.

It is shocking that it could capture more publicity than the upcoming presidential election, the withdrawal of troops in Iraq, J-Lo's new boyfriend, or any other majore news, but I can certainly see why it has.  It's shocking on oh-so many levels.

Trust me, I am saddened to see a true college football legacy go out like this (Paterno), but I am deeply saddened that people would be more angered at his departure than the fact that he didn't protect innocent children from sexual abuse.  Deeply saddened.

Today I scanned the news on MSN.com and saw two headlines, literally right next to each other,that made me go "hmmmm." Yes, this is definitely  prime material for a C and C music factory hit:

#1:  Sandusky: "I am innocent"
#2:  Sandusky: "I regret showering with kids"

Really?
I will say no more.  But does this strike anyone else as....JACKED UP??

The Wait is Over

Some of you know, some of you don't.  James and I have been in a bidding nightmare for the last 5 months.  What this means, this "bidding" as they call it, is that every time you finish at one post (like Baghdad) you have to apply for your next job.  It's bizarre.  Imagine you work at Ford and every year or two years you have to re-apply for your job.  "Yes, I know you already hired me and that I've gotten great reviews, but now I'd like you to re-hire me.  And I'd like you to send me to Timbuktu. Oh,and just so you're prepared I'll be re-applying for this same job again in two more years."

So, James looks at a "bid list", posts that have open positions in his cone (public affairs) and at his grade level, and that open at the same time that he'll complete his current post.  Then he picks from that narrowed down list 6-15 that interest him and he starts lobbying people to hire him.  BUT....40 other people may be lobbying for that same job, and will probably know "someone."  So that's the short version.  Trust me, I'm sparing you a lot of painful details and beurocratic nonsense.  Like the fact that because he served in Baghdad he is supposed to be offered an early handshake to a "garden post."  This is a lie.

Long story short, after feeling rejected for about 4 months and wondering what we would do with ourselves when we had no next post, we suddenly were showered in offers.  From all 4 corners of the world.  I was very proud of James for being selected the number one option for (drumroll)...

1. Praia, Cape Verde
2. Rabat, Morocco
3. Chegdu, China
4. Tbilisi, Georgia

Much debate ensued after this richness of posts was placed in our grasp.  Just as it is difficult to have no riches, we discovered it is also difficult to have too much.  How do you pick amongst a vacation island, a very cool Middle East Garden spot near the infamous Casablanca, China (I don't know what to say here but my mom assures me it was her number one pick), and an up and coming European hot spot that has the old world charm of Italy 20 years ago? (Reliable sources also tell us that it has the climate of North Carolina and that the food is to die for.)

We decided.  We will be returning to D.C. in September to study Georgian for one year before heading over to Tbilisi in September 2013.  We're really excited and hope that many of you will come and visit us in our posh new digs!

(Note:  We are also starting to consider international adoption--if any of you have insights or experience with this - please contact us~any advice would be awesome!)

Baa Bye Ba'athist.

 I don't know how closely you all follow Iraq shenanigans, but recently there was a little drama over a government decision to round up some wild and crazy "Ba'athists."  Lest you think that is someone saying Baptist with a lisp, it is NOT.  I may or may not have thought that before I learned it was the party Sadaam Hussein belonged to.  Apparently, that wasn't on E News.

Anywho, it was a little, how you say, scary and big brother-ish the way the government suddenly started a roundup and people weren't happy.  There was some protesting in the streets and some angry mobs who somehow didn't think it was very democratic and neighborly to just bust up in people's houses and take them because of their religion or political preferences.  Crazy.

There was a news bulletin that came across my computer screen a few days back with bullets from a talk given by Prime Minister Maliki to soothe some nerves.  I'm not sure if that worked, but I will say I find some of these bullets amusing....if I'm honest, more because of the way they are written and because everytime I read Ba'ath or Ba'athist I say it in my head like a sheep would.  Whatcha think?  I'll put in parenthesis the thoughts I had as I read this.  Lucky. You.

Ba’athist Plot: (Assumption:  there IS in fact a Ba'athist plot)

• We detained 615 Ba’athists so far.

• The Ba’ath party is politically banned by the Constitution.  (Can you do that??Let's ban the tea party!  We the people believe...)

• We are not indiscriminately arresting Ba’athists.  We have retained a number of former Ba’athists who gave up their “bad Ba’ath ideologies” and are still occupying very sensitive position in the government. There is a difference between those “good” Ba’athists and other Saddamist Ba’athists who are plotting against the country by collaborating with al-Qaida and conducting bombings and assassinations.  (This is the best one...goooood ba'athist...baaaaadddd Ba'athist.  Rooststers, you know what I'm talking about.  They gave up their "bad Ba'athist ideologies??"  awesome.)

• Some of these “Saddamist Ba’athists” are plotting a coup, thinking there will be a security void after the withdrawal of U.S. forces, but they are mistaken as we [the GOI] are already responsible for security even with the presence of U.S. troops.  (uh-huh, big mistake to think the GOI can't handle security, I mean they've only had their security bombed and killed like every day last week by terrorists.  Yeah, they got this one.)

• The detentions have no relation with sectarianism, it is the Ba’athists who believe and think in a sectarian way.  (It's YOU, not me.)

•  There is no harm if we tighten the grip on all political, security and economic situations in accordance with the Constitution.  (It's a slippery slope Sada...um, Maliki.  Just a LITTLE tightening can't hurt.)

• There are some countries that support Ba’athists, but I will [wait] and disclose their names in the “proper time.”  (OK, wait THIS one is the best--is this third grade?  i will wait and disclose their names at the proper time??? when? when?  who could these countries be--no ONE knows.....ira..no one.)

Hoarding = Food Storage

A few days ago we were told some things which I'm not sure if I can say on the blog about our future conditions here.  I will not say them for fear of jeopardizing our position, safety and strategy...but I will tell you this:  I have started to hoard food.  Don't judge me.  If you thought emergency rations might be in your future, you would to.

I will also tell you that we are losing our APO.  This is a tragedy.  It means that our mail service just got a lot slower and less reliable.  We're hoping to get a DPO, but that is not confirmed.  If we don't, it means...no boxes.  And that means, goodbye aveda.  Farewell j.crew.  Adios netgrocer.  nooooooooooo.....

A huge shout out to Gina Valenti of Hilton and Hampton and general friendship fame.  Today, James and I got a box in the mail that we didn't order and weren't planning on getting.  It was from popcornopolis and it was bursting with individual packages of flavored popcorn(s).  I can only assume she took pity on us after reading about how our popcorn popper broke.  We HEART Gina!!!!  There is NOTHING like a care package and nothing like popcorn, and nothing like a friend who remembers you!

Back to Baghdad.  I left the compound for the first time this week.  James and our friend Stewart and I walked across the street (basically) and up the road about 1/2 a mile to a place aptly named "FOB Union 3."  OK, I have no idea what that means, but I'm sure if I did that it would be apt.

It's a military base and a little Arabic shopping mini-mall all in one.  Got yer rugs, got yer Genie lamps, your mini-grocer, your awesome sexy lingerie and got yer popeye's chicken.  Yup, they got it all.

James and I went in search of flour because the PX has been out for over two weeks and I wanted to make Swedish bread. 

We were very excited to find a store that had 3 bags full.  (yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!)  Being kind-hearted Christians (that's right, Dr. Robert Jeffress) we gave away one bag to a friend of James' who entered the store after us and was very sad-faced to find an empty shelf.  That left two.

Until I opened one after we left to make sure it was white (the bag said wheat, but the picture was white.)  It was white.  White flour COVERED in weevils. 

iiiiiccccccckkkkk.

i almost threw up.  the man was kind enough to give us our money back and we found 4 more bags in a second store bringing our total up to five (remember: hoarding) but I am terrified to open each of them.  I am saddened to have to depend on flour that says wheat, is white and could have sat on a shelf for years. 

but.

I'm grateful for flour.  And the swedish bread it made.  Now I must go and eat 12 bags of popcorn.