Sunday, March 18, 2012
Stuck
Yesterday James and I were so excited to start our journey to the magical Maldives. We knew we had many hours of travel ahead, but we didn't expect it to take 48. Mother nature had her own ideas.
Sandstorm.
I should have expected it when I woke up, checked the weather and it said "blowing dust". Silly me, I didn't think of this.
We were supposed to take off from sully air force at 2:15. We waited for a 4 pm update, then a 6pm, and finally a 7:30pm....fail.
We spent the next two hours trying to change our flights and our hotel changed with no Internet or long distance phone access. Next we went to get a chu assignment to sleep in. We were lucky to get a wet chu (bathroom in the trailer). It made us very grateful for the accommodations we have at the embassy.
So now we cross our fingers and wait. Hoping the sandstorm goes away in the next two hours so we don't lose yet another day of our beloved R&R.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Baghdads Got Talent
If you like American Idol, you'll LOVE Baghdad's Got Talent. David Archuletta, Carey Underwood, Chris Daughtry....who? Yeah. We got James Dewey up in this piece.
It all went down Saturday night ya'll. There were about 10 acts, and some really good talent. People who apparently have songs in iTunes and others who...don't. But I know one who SHOULD be on iTunes - James Butler Dewey, yo.
James wrote an original song which he performed called Beautiful Baghdad. It was clever, perfect for the Baghdad audience, and it had a nice beat and you could dance to it. Maybe not those last two, but it waaaassss catchy!
He performed it to a standing room only crowd who ROARED with approval when he finished. It makes me beam with pride just thinking of it now. And the judge who was the toughest on all the other acts said simply, "You're the winner." And he was. First prize, baby.
So, I'm going to post a version of it here...but...if you don't know some of the inside jokes you won't appreciate it nearly as much. Therefore, I am going to clue you in on some of the jokes before you watch.
1. Mr. Lee is one of the most famous people on our little campus. That is because he runs the DFAC, and thus controls our food. He bears a slight resemblance to Spike Lee, he is enigmatic and funny, and a true power player and long-term Baghdad employee. He provides us with some perks, like lobster tails one night a week, and employees who just cut any fruit you bring them. Like, I bring an orange and they peel and cut it. Thanks guys!
2. There was a news article recently that covered "Camp Cupcake" and showed how we live a pretty sweet life with awesome indoor pool, 2 gyms (nicknamed Curves and Golds), and other perks. Another recent article was talking about how things had gotten rough for us recently by making jabs like "They haven't been getting the food convoys through so they are allowed no more than 6 chicken wings at a time." Yes, it's rough.
3. The gates that let you in to our compound are called CAC's. There's a blue one, a white one, a red one, a Disneyland one...yeah, I don't get that either. Very regularly, like every couple of days we get an email to the whole embassy announcing to us the very urgent message, "The Red CAC (or blue or white or whatever) is closed." We are not clear why this impacts us in any way. But it is apparently urgent, and regular.
4. Our guards here are Peruvians and Kenyans. They speak very little English, but are astoundingly polite and friendly. Until they get on the soccer field at which time the Kenyans try to kill everyone in sight and a Peru/Kenya match had to be called once.
5. People come to Baghdad to get "a garden spot" after the tour - very few this time seemed to get what they hoped. One garden spot our friend Stewart got was "Saudi Arabia." Sweet. (Hi Stewart!)
6. The Security Contractors here work for Triple Canopy. They all look IDENTICAL. They wear cargo pants and flannel shirts and have beards. They get busted all the time by the Iraqis who for some reason (uh, duh) can recognize them. They can't leave the compound right now because the Iraqis won't give us Visas--so if they left, they couldn't come back. It's a big bone of contention. They walk around with guns and drive big black cars and bmw's and tote guns.
And that should do it. Prepare to enjoy the masterful lyrical stylings of James Dewey:
It all went down Saturday night ya'll. There were about 10 acts, and some really good talent. People who apparently have songs in iTunes and others who...don't. But I know one who SHOULD be on iTunes - James Butler Dewey, yo.
James wrote an original song which he performed called Beautiful Baghdad. It was clever, perfect for the Baghdad audience, and it had a nice beat and you could dance to it. Maybe not those last two, but it waaaassss catchy!
He performed it to a standing room only crowd who ROARED with approval when he finished. It makes me beam with pride just thinking of it now. And the judge who was the toughest on all the other acts said simply, "You're the winner." And he was. First prize, baby.
So, I'm going to post a version of it here...but...if you don't know some of the inside jokes you won't appreciate it nearly as much. Therefore, I am going to clue you in on some of the jokes before you watch.
1. Mr. Lee is one of the most famous people on our little campus. That is because he runs the DFAC, and thus controls our food. He bears a slight resemblance to Spike Lee, he is enigmatic and funny, and a true power player and long-term Baghdad employee. He provides us with some perks, like lobster tails one night a week, and employees who just cut any fruit you bring them. Like, I bring an orange and they peel and cut it. Thanks guys!
2. There was a news article recently that covered "Camp Cupcake" and showed how we live a pretty sweet life with awesome indoor pool, 2 gyms (nicknamed Curves and Golds), and other perks. Another recent article was talking about how things had gotten rough for us recently by making jabs like "They haven't been getting the food convoys through so they are allowed no more than 6 chicken wings at a time." Yes, it's rough.
3. The gates that let you in to our compound are called CAC's. There's a blue one, a white one, a red one, a Disneyland one...yeah, I don't get that either. Very regularly, like every couple of days we get an email to the whole embassy announcing to us the very urgent message, "The Red CAC (or blue or white or whatever) is closed." We are not clear why this impacts us in any way. But it is apparently urgent, and regular.
4. Our guards here are Peruvians and Kenyans. They speak very little English, but are astoundingly polite and friendly. Until they get on the soccer field at which time the Kenyans try to kill everyone in sight and a Peru/Kenya match had to be called once.
5. People come to Baghdad to get "a garden spot" after the tour - very few this time seemed to get what they hoped. One garden spot our friend Stewart got was "Saudi Arabia." Sweet. (Hi Stewart!)
6. The Security Contractors here work for Triple Canopy. They all look IDENTICAL. They wear cargo pants and flannel shirts and have beards. They get busted all the time by the Iraqis who for some reason (uh, duh) can recognize them. They can't leave the compound right now because the Iraqis won't give us Visas--so if they left, they couldn't come back. It's a big bone of contention. They walk around with guns and drive big black cars and bmw's and tote guns.
And that should do it. Prepare to enjoy the masterful lyrical stylings of James Dewey:
A Little Exposed
As most of you know, Baghdad is a NO CHILDREN tour. This means actual children, not just people who may act like them. Trust me.
Most of you also know that James and I have been married less than a year.
Based on this information, you should be able to make two credible leaps. Leaps which are obvious, but for some reason you aren't supposed to say out loud (of course when has this stopped me?):
1. James and I are still on our honeymoon, which means that unlike a lot of you we are still having s-e-x.
2. James and I use protection. Otherwise if I got knocked up, I'd be leaving on a jet plane - asap.
You probably can't make this leap, so I'll tell you the next important fact: our choice of protection is condoms. I'm not a fan of all the jacked up emotions I get from the other "safety" options available. And obviously, I want the extra protection so that I don't get any of the diseases James may be carrying from his wild and promiscuous pre-Shauri days. (ha, ha, and ha.)
I know many of you are DYING (Lisa, Delsa, Teresa) reading this right now. Others have already made the mental jump ahead to the punchline. So... here comes the really personal part. (That's right, the fact that we are having sex and using condoms is NOT personal.)
A couple nights ago James and I were... you know. When you know was over, James seemed confused and was sort of groping around himself in the dark. "Around" is an important and accurate word in that sentence. Then he said the three words that every girl longs to hear.......... "Where's the condom?"
At first I thought he was speaking Arabic, because, um, WHAT?...no comprendo. Then I got scared, cause I didn't even know if I wanted to get pregant, but I DID know I didn't want to get kicked out of Iraq.
Turns out....it was next to him. Next. To. Him. Now, I'm not sure how one wouldn't KNOW it was off, I mean I'm not a man, but it seems kind of like you might notice. I don't know guys, would you?
Anyway, neither here nor there. The point is we both just looked at each other, and James started to look really nervous. And then we laughed. You know, the kind where you keep casting sidelong glances at the other person to make sure they are laughing too. And then we stopped. And then we started again.
Ok, what are the facts here? Frankly, it would take a miracle for a lady of my esteemed age to get pregnant at all. I mean how many people who are young and healthy even get pregnant, let alone off of ONE mistake?? But still....the shadow of a doubt has been cast. The die has been rolled.
Perhaps the adoption/birth decision will be made for us after all. I guess at least we'll know it was meant to be.
I'll let you know. But not for several months after I find out, because HELLO.... I'm not planning to get shipped out quite so fast. Shhhh....
Have any of you ever rolled the destiny dice with no intention of doing so? It's quite a ride.
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